A SQUIRREL WAS THE CAUSE FOR DISRUPTING A MASSIVE MANHATTAN TRANSIT COMMUTES YESTERDAY MORNING.
THE SQUIRREL TIED UP THE METRO-NORTH COMMUTER RAILROAD POWER LINES, INTERFERING WITH NEARLY 47-THOUSAND COMMUTERS FROM RETUNRING HOME.
IT APPARENTLY SNUCK ITS WAY INTO THE TRAIN’S MAJOR POWER LINES AND YANKED ELECTRICAL WIRES RESULTING IN AN ELECTRICAL POWER SURGE, SAYS METRO-NORTH SPOKESWOMAN DONNA EVANS.
MAINTENANCE CREWS HAD THE TRAINS RUNNING AGAIN BY EARLY THIS MORNING.
You're giving me a soft feature lead that could work for print, but it doesn't work for broadcast.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you have to handle quotes differently in broadcast: paraphrase them or set them up as sound bites. See the text or download the pdf version of my broadcast writing PowerPoint.
Here's one approach to rewriting this story for broadcast:
WHEN A 95-YEAR-OLD TULSA WOMAN BLEW OUT THE CANDLES ON HER BIRTHDAY CAKE THIS AFTERNOON, SHE PROBABLY GOT MORE THAN SHE WISHED FOR.
ACCORDING TO ONE PARTY-GOER, MABEL MCCULLOUGH'S CAKE HAD SO MANY CANDLES ... IT LOOKED LIKE A TORCH. AND WHEN SHE BLEW THEM OUT -- WITH THE HELP OF HER FRIENDS AT FIRST UNITED METHODIST CHURCH IN TULSA -- IT SENT UP A BIG PLUME OF SMOKE.
THAT'S WHAT SET OFF A SMOKE ALARM ... AND BROUGHT 24 FIRE FIGHTERS CHARGING IN TO MCCULLOUGH'S BIRTHDAY PARTY.
FIRE CHIEF LONNIE LAMB SAYS HE'S SEEN A LOT OF THINGS SET OFF FIRE ALARMS, BUT NEVER A BIRTHDAY CAKE.
THE FIREFIGHTERS DIDN'T STAY FOR CAKE, BUT THEY DID STAY LONG ENOUGH TO GET THEIR PICTURE TAKEN WITH MCCULLOUGH.
5/10
I'd like you to go back and write the other feature story (the squirrel story) for broadcast.