[ANCHOR ON CAM]
AFTER BEING SEEN RUNNING ALONG HIGHWAY 17, A BELOVED HORSE FINALLY RETURNS HOME TO HIS OWNER.
A TWENTY-TWO YEAR OLD WHITE ARABIAN HORSE, STAR, FINALLY REUNITES WITH HIS OWNER, 10 YEAR OLD ATHENA MUZUMDAR [UH-THEE-NUH MOO-ZOOM-DAR], AFTER ESCAPING HIS SOUTH LOS GATOS CORRAL NEARLY TWO WEEKS AGO.
STAR WAS CAUGHT AT A RESIDENTIAL HOME ON KENT WAY AND WAS TAKEN TO THE SAN MARTIN ANIMAL SHELTER.
THE HUMANE SOCIETY WAS INITIALLY RELUCTANT TO RELEASE STAR TO MUZUMDAR [MOO-ZOOM-DAR] BECAUSE OF STAR’S THIN APPEARANCE. STAR’S CORRAL OWNER, SUZANNE CRISTALLO [KRIS-TAL-LOW], QUICKLY CONFIRMED THAT STAR’S WEIGHT WAS DUE TO REOCCURING HEALTH PROBLEMS AND NOT NEGLIGENCE.
APPARENTLY, STAR WAS AMONGST MANY CHARACTERS IN THE CORRAL.
A PONY BY THE NAME OF OREO [OR-EE-OH] IN THE CORRAL, MANAGED TO OPEN THE METAL GATE THAT LEAD OUTSIDE THE CORRAL’S PERIMETERS, SAYS CRISTALLO [SU-ZANN KRIS-TAL-LOW].
STAR IS SAFE AT HOME AND IN GOOD SPIRITS WITH MUZUMDAR [MOO-ZOOM-DAR].
Whoa! (pun intended!) What happened to broadcast style and format? You did so well on the style exercise, but you didn't apply it here.
ReplyDeletePlease rewrite this story using broadcast style and format (slug as header, ALL CAPS, etc.). Also, even though this is an "old" story, I want you to write it like it just happened.
Please revise, and then I'll grade it.